Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I am

I must brain wash myself.

'' I am okay.. I okay.."
" I am good.. I am good.."
'' I am a happy eater.. I am a happy eater.."
" I am happy with myself.. I am happy with myself.."


I have many people giving me nice compliment like:
Mandy- you look very good..
Random customer- you are so sweet..
Xavier- stop counting calories. where is the damn fats?!
Kyer- your are in good size.. so small already..
Dorry- you're perfect already what..
Mc- you so skinny..

I feel very happy when people tell me that, of cos.
But I dun exactly feel that way..
I still feel.......that I still have a little too much meat on my body and i think my face went less sharp as compare to 3 weeks ago...
And I do feel a little guilty for eating after time..

I know this is bad.. Like damn bad..

Whatever happened to " Love yourself.. love the way you are.."?

I must brain wash myself to think that I am okay..I am good...


* Young, Fair, Slim & Beautiful...*

Monday, November 29, 2010

- Be nice to your friends-

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My mum came home smiling at me..
Nothing wrong to smile at me..
But her smile tells me that she got something to show me...
and then....
And this is why she would suddenly buy coco balls back..
Damn.
I got one now.
I must have all 5!!

I saw this at the back..
So cute..
- Be nice to your friends-



*I am like in love with these coco balls.. at least one bowl every morning..*

Diamond kisses

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That day Xavier got chow to bring a visitor for me to cheer me up...
=)
.
,
l
This is Xavier's youngest baby, Diamond..
She is about... 4 mths old?
She is sooo cute!
And tiny...
she kissed me...
=)
Hearts...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Weird Pms

Okay.
Now I really really really feel like doing accounts.
Why ar?

I must be mad.
I feel like going BBC to buy my old accounts textbook.
* need to buy another one cos I was nice enough to loan it to people to study but i think it did not come back..So much for being nice...tsk..*
I feel like taking out my TYS and start doing all the random question.
But I know in the real world, all higher education and most company uses excel to do accounts and not exercise books...
And that is my problem.
I dunno how to use the freaking excel..
I just have no ideal how tt thing work.
I know it is a very powerful program and suppose to ease our life and all but gave me hell when I tried to use it the last time when i was in RP.

Wait a minute.
Why am I ranting about accounts and excel in the middle of the night instead of sleeping?

I got damn weird PMS.

Good night people.

* I dunno where are we going...*

Friday, November 26, 2010

When the wind blows

I am thinking of you....
Which I think I should not...
I really dunno what the hell is wrong with me...
I nearly broke the rules I set for myself..!
Thank goodenss it din happened...


Alright, it late , I am cold and long tiring day tml...
I should sleep..
Goodnight peeps!

Xoxo

Thursday, November 25, 2010

where's the dr?

I just realise I really have alot of picture to post...
Like really alot..
Okay...
Gonna do them one by one..
=)

For now, I need to go get change and be ready to head out in the storm..
Yes its pouring like mad now and I am going out to meet Aaron!!
We are gonna buy deco!!!=)

I so wish I've got a pair of dr marts now..
I wish I've asked for them as my birthday present from rainbows..
Now i cant decide if i should really buy cos they are made of leather...
=((

damn....

Watch this 10 times!




I think I should watch this video 10 times a day..
I need to remind myself to love myself..
Love the way I am..
Love my body..
Love my meat..

I am like constantly thinking about my size..
I mean I know, to most people out there, there is nothing wrong with my size..
But I dunno why am I keep thinking that I should be smaller...

I know I should not compare..
But I am always doing that..
I am always around beautiful people..
And at times I feel... not so beautiful..
And I would start comparing and my madness will start...

Of cos I am not so beautiful as compared to them..
why?
Because I compare myself and that make me lose confident..
I know that..
I know all that theory..
But why I am not doing it...


This is damn annoying..

I need to find my confident..
I think I use to have 10 bottles full of them..
At least I think I did..
But now..
I think..
I left only 3?

I NEED,
I MUST,
I WILL,
Fill up my other 7 bottles of confident..

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Boring Drilling

It's my 2nd day today without a phone.
I am still okay I think..
Although sometime I will imagine that my phone vibrate but i would always remind myself that I do not carry a phone now..
I know half of you out there must be thinking I am mad..
My boss, Alicia, Tia and i think even momo thinks I am mad..
Hahahahahaha..

I din really sleep well yesterday night..
I woke up early today.. like 8.30 am when i set my alarm at 9.30am..
I ate 3 bowls of coco pops and one slice of bread with thick redbean paste for breakfast..
*I am like in love with the red bean paste from diaso*
Then dinner I ate Veggie delite and one peanut mee chaing kueh for dinner...
*I think other then Mr bean's pancake..I love mee chaing kueh from Pinle too*
I was like freaking full till I wanna burst...
That is my problem..
I always want to stuff myself till I wanna burst if not I want to starve myself till I can hear it growl so loud..
This is so not good...
I must learn;
I will learn;
I will, eat till I am just nice full and stop.
.
.
I came home reading about calories again..
Cos I weight myself and it went up by a bit...
And also I wonder how much calories does mee chiang kueh is...
cant seems to find it online...
.
.
My brain have been on off thinking about things..
Thinking about..
.
.
Then I came to a conclusion...
I really made my life messy and I really cant blame anyone..
It not anyone else fault but mine..
I have been like pushing the blame but actually its all mine..
I am thinking about people who I really should not..
I am thinking stupid things which I really think I am just mad..
Then again.. maybe I am thinking of those mad things cos....
I just needed someone to hold me...
That's all..
I need a slap on my face to wake up and stop thinking about those mad things..
.
.
Okay.
My blog is like really boring now..
Cause there is one ton of words.
No picture..
And all I do is rant and babble..




Actually, I have quite alot of pictures to upload..
I must find time to on that netbook.
Upload to com, edit and upload to blogger..
.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Bad phone

My phone is so dead..
I cant even on it..
Since last night..
I have like 2 or 3 unread msg..
Damn.
I am gonna send it to nokia care..
I know it is time to get phone 4.
But I think I wanna fix my nokia first then see how..
So I guess for the rest of this week,
I am phone-less..
.
.

You know where to find me if you want me..
.
,

My lost things

It doesn't matter how much,
how often
or
how closely
you keep an eye on things,
you cant control it.
.
Sometimes
things and people go..
.
Just like that..
.
Don't destroy yourself trying to find out where...
.
,
.
.
Source: A place call here...

Sunken ship

I did what I think I need to do...
I am not sure how things are gonna be now...
U din even ask me to stay..
,
,
I know you did your best to make things up for me..
I guess I am just greedy.
I want more.
I want everything.
.
.
You were my Everything.
My whole world revolves around you..
Till one day when you wake me up,
I realise I dun even know how to love myself anymore..
.
..
I am not sure how "move on" can I be..
But I know i gotta start loving myself again.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

status

Okay... I am like...
I dunno how to put my feeling down into words...
Well, I guess this is it..
I am going down now..
,
,

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!

Blue lights

Just got nag by Xavier and Tia...
I know what I am doing is stupid...
by forcing my wound to heal, I would not exactly heal faster..
But I think if I really need to feel the pain and go thro the shit again in order to really get myself back,
then so be it...
Even if I have to bleed real bad...
I am so scared now...
I dunno what the hell am I going to do later..
I dunno wat am I gonna say...
But I think I really have to do it..



Wish me luck everyone...
=}

sillynelly

I am the most stupid girl u would ever know..
.
.
1. I ask for trouble.
2. I know it is trouble yet I walk to it with open arms.
3. Already in a mess yet I still rope more mess in..
4. Will blindly believe whatever you say so long u make it sound real.
5. Bottom line - Easiest girl to cheat
.
.
.

PandaDanda

..
.
There is alot of question I have about you...
but....
I dun dare to ask..
Maybe I dun really want to know..
Maybe even if you tell me, I would only believe 50%..
Cause I've heard too many stories..
So...
Whatever I guess...
.
.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Bread Baking Lad

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Baking class at Marine Parade CC.

=D
I made it to class!!

This is how the bread dough look like... ( sweet dough)
.


Mini Potato Curry Donut.
I use to love buying this from this bakery at simei when i was in pri..
Now, I'll make sure I'll make them myself...=D
.
.
Black sesame bun.
Before baking.

After baking.
These are my pretties buns i made that day...

.
.

Mini Hot Dog Roll.
Before.
After.
This one got no hot dog..
Cos its the extra dough...
I just twist it and make it look like pretzels..

LOL
.
.
Chicken Floss Bun.
You just need to dip in mayo and roll in floss...

This is the most easy one!


.
Cinnamon Rasin loaf.

This one demo only cos she use bread machine..

Looks great and taste wonderful...
I want to get a bread machine toooo.....

.

Aint they look so cute!?

=D


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Shooters and martini

Okay..

I have no ideal why am i awake now...

I only like sleep for 2 hours..!!
I
And no, there was no alarm or anything to wake me...

In fact its cooling and I should be drooling and dreaming...

And like I drank so much just now!!

Ain't that suppose to help u sleep better?

Fuck.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A-w-a-k-e

In case any of you read my last post and you're worrying now...
Chill k..
I am okay.
I am better now.
Nth really happened..
I just bottom's up one cup of tiger too fast...
And i din really ate anything before that..
so.. yea..
But I am okay now...
I was not drunk cos i could still type..
I was just not able to control myself properly...
The beer just magnify my emotions...
Thus the post...
So..
I am good.
Nothing to worry about yea!

xoxo
=)

I am just stupid.

I am.. angry with myself?
no..
I am more like...
Disappointed with myself..
I mean i know what is right and what is not..
I know what the fuck is good and what is not...
But I am always not doing the right thing..
I want to play...
I tell myself it time to play..
Its okay to go play..
Yet I cannot afford to play..
I am not brave enough to play..
Cos I know I dun like to lose..
Cos I know I am not willing neither am I brave enough to lose...

I am drunk.
Drank too fast.
But I dun feel like sleeping yet.
This is annoying..
In a bad way...
whatever.
I hate my life now.
I hate growing up.
I just want to be 14 all day, everyday.
Shut up nelly.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A in the hole

I guess I really push too much and now I am gonna be lock outside..
I am sorry, I've been a pest.
I just need sometime.
1 week maybe?
Please do stretch the kindness for 1 more week.
Thank you.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Lets give a toast

I dunno why but I am thinking alot all of a sudden...
.
I am thinking about life.
Life and people..
Maybe because I read shaun's fb status...
( he ended a 10 yr friendship.. )
.
10 years...
10 years is super long...
almost 1/10 of ur lifetime..
I feel sad..
.
Then I think about myself..
I have quite a number of clique..
And yes, I feel very bless to have them all around me..
They are always there when I need them..
Some I see them often..
Some I see them once a month..
Some I see them once in a while..
Some I hardly see them anymore cos everyone's busy..
.
Then I wonder..
How many of these clique will stay on even when I am 30, 40 and even 50?
.
Then I wonder again..
New friends that I made..
Okay... let's be more specific..
New guy friends that I made...
How long will these friendship last?
I mean.. somehow it's a friendship built on a different agenda..
So do they end the moment we ( or one of us ) decide that we dun really want to see each other anymore?
.
People come and go..
I get it..
Everyone you meet in life have a purpose ..
They'll teach you things..
Different lesson and different experience..
They'll leave a part of them with you..
Some stay longer then others while some just happened to be there...
When they are done "teaching" you things, they leave..
And those that falls under " just happened to be there.." are just happened to be there..
Sometimes its painful that people just leave like tt..
And worse case, they left and you din even notice..
=(
.
Then I look at my Fb friends...
I have quite alot of friends...
Friends...
But I can say more then half of these friends on my fb, I wont comment on their status or picture simply cos its like too weird to...
"like" maybe..
But comment would be like........
Cause :
1. you may not know what the hell happened..
2. you are just not that friend to comment anything...
.
.
Now I feel Sad..
Really sad..
I dunno what the hell am I doing in the middle of the night at 3.30am still awake and typing this..
Why the hell am I feeling negative and emo at this hour?!
I must be mad...
.
Okay..
I shall just go sleep..
and wake up tml..
To eat my special K and my nutella sandwich and PB sandwich.. Or maybe I should cook curry udon tml...
we'll see...
I cant wait to eat breakfast!
=D
.
.
*Shaun, if you are reading this... Dun be sad... be happy that he came and taugh u something.. he is just moving on and teaching someone else some other things...=)

Friday, November 12, 2010

Hot cakes best cake

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I was feeling pretty shitty for the whole of last week..
All the Sg pools drama and drama with people around me..
Plus I din have anyone to turn to really make me want to hid in the toilet and flood...

This week was so much better..
Baking class on Monday...
( And very good sales at Cumulus )
Then Tuesday meet WL and Alicia for breakfast...
The best this is..She bought this for me at hk.....

I nearly cried sia...
So so so Happy!!!

Thank you so much!!!

Then my breakfast at mac....

Wahhhhhh... Just by looking at this makes me hungry already........
I can eat hot cakes all day everyday!
=))

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Black Poka

Hey hey!
This is my part in " You are the BigPicture" project..
This is damn awesome man..
Too bad I was working at pools..
But thank goodness Aviva took picture of it...=D

Thank you Aviva..!
=)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hapi tati

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Pizza Hut.
lunch with rainbow together with Father vic to celebrate his Bday!
This is that 7 cheese thing...
Like not very nice leh..
I mean...
Not as good as i tot it'll be..
And those "ball" are cheese...
The phil cheese that I use to make cheese cake...
This is roasted chicken something...
I like leh...
Thin crust and got veggi..
=D
This is nice too...
Lots of mushroom!
yumyum..
Happy Birthday Father Victor!!
=D
We tried asking the server to help us take a group picture..
But almost all of them are aunties...
Not that they dunno how to use my cam, more like they cant take a proper picture...
So we have to DIY lor...
This picture feel so toilet...
LOL
Attempt 2.
still fail..
Ah lian, u need longer arms..
Find us a mummy soon!
=D
We heart you!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Must Learn!

Damn...
I should have really exercise some patience...
Now I feel so buay song..
Like so cheat...
nenepok!
!#$%^&^%$#!#%^&*($#!$##*&%%*(
.
.
NELLY!
PATIENCE!!
,
,

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dinner Time!

Went dinner with my new friend at Glutton's bay on Tuesday...
I really feel like a glutton for the past few days...
No.
More like, for the past few weeks..
I have been eating and eating none stop.....


Feast!

.

.

I am so going to diet the next few days....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I love dough

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Supper with Rainbow
I bake muffine..
Each person got one!
=D
Not excellent but still edible...

I am so happy that we are still keeping up with our monthly meeting!

I am so proud of all of us!!

=D

Man from NS

29102010

Dinner .
Dessert.
I heart Yammi!
Hope
Love
Faith Sweetheart... I love you!!!
We love you!!!
The last time we saw papa mc was in June!
( and he really change alot! )
And the last time I saw Aud was before she started training in ..........
And, the last time I saw Fanni was Ph with pei...
.
.
.
I am so happy that we can all meet!!
=D
I hope we can meet more often...
Esp the girls!