Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Looking for Nelly

I think I need help..

I ate a sub after 8 pm and ate some chocolate..
I came home..
And I see a little tummy and I feel damn guilty..
I kinda feel angry at myself for eating the damn chocolate.. ( but its Royce so harder to say no la.....)
And I ask myself, why did I eat that sub cos I was not even really hungry...
Oh.. and i ate fried rice( lots of oil left on the plate) this afternoon..
I feel depress..
I am mad..
I am mad depress..!

SEEEE.. This is what I mean..
I think I am going mad..
I am really starting to hate the way I am behaving and thinking..
I am like constantly fighting myself..
One part of me see the fat lil tummy and instantly think of stupid crash diet plans and then another part of me have to keep constant reminder that I am okay.. I am not that fat.. And being Healthy is more important! Crash diet is just gonna spoil my body...

If U know me well, this is normal..
as in the contradicting ( fighting ) myself part..
I don't mind to argue with myself with anything other then this..
This eating and fat thing is making me mad..
It is affecting my life..
It is Bad..

Seriously I wonder where is that nelly that could not care a shit about diet , weight and eat prata egg and cheese plus Indian rojak with lots of sauce and tea chino for supper at 2am.
Now, I cant even eat a freaking sub and chocolate at 8pm!

where the hell is all my confident?
where is that Nelly that could walk out of the house with a tummy and big arms and still dun feel a shit...
* Now when i see myself and think that I am fat.. then i think back.. wtf.. i must have been really fat last time!*

I really need to stop thinking about all this..
I need to think positive.
Positive attract positive..
Want positive then positive..


*Young Slim Fair & Beautiful*

* I am sharing this on my blog, out and open cause i need a place to rant.. I know there are people reading my blog.. Some are close friends, some are not, some are even stranger..
Yes, I do feel shy about sharing these cause, they are my inner thoughts plus they are not even one of those glamorous ones..
So if u are thinking that I am trying to be funny and attract attention then I would recommend you not to read my blog or post like these that are label with "blue".. *
Thank you very much...

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